Archive for March 9, 2007

Fly onthe wall part 1

When all faith is lost, is it all right to laugh.

The first time I went back, I was really scared. I had won the auction. I had met B.M. and I had my cute little hippie dress on, and a cute skinny, 4 foot long braids in her hair, chick tour partner who everyone wanted to fuck the shit out of. I was the third wheel. The fat friend. Didn’t mean to be the ‘cock’ block ever. But I was the fly on the wall. All the things I saw..all the things I saw and I’ll never forget. Never really will tell either. I’m not a narc.

Life can be just as you make it. If you believe the lie and it will all come true.

I believed I was part of it. But so many people made me feel as though I didn’t. I didn’t take as many of the drugs, even though they were around me. I didn’t hang inner circle often.

Your never free to walk away. You should be free to go today.

Lying is one of the things that I try hardest not to do. I did not lie when J.L. asked me if I was wearing the lammy. But what J.L didn’t know, is that I had it hidden. Underneath the three layers I was wearing in the california misty late evening it had become. Aftershows last a couple hours if you are at the right one, in the right place, with the right people and saying and doing the right things. To me, it was like an audition every single night. I never felt like I belonged back there but still, somehow always ended up back there. I always felt like an intruder and J.L. when you said it was my fault <shake my head back and forth>. I still haven’t forgiven myself for telling you the truth. What I didn’t tell you, was that JJ got me in through Bart. I didn’t use the lammy. It was there to remind me of Bill. I loved Bill with all my heart. I really did. I just didn’t love him as anything more then a friend though. Repeat this after me kids

I did NOT use someone to get laminates to be backstage. Ever. I didn’t need to say it, but I felt like I have to say it at least once.

Believe the lie and it will all come true. You should be free to go today.

I can walk away. Can you?

PS. Thanks for the backpack JJ and J.L. I’ll bring it with me to 10klf so I can feel ‘cool’ again.

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More physical therapy, time for some positive thinking to get me through

An intake of breath, had punctured my soul, let me know, i need to know

How much of our lives do we spend wondering what other people are thinking? Specially when you are in silence with the other person. You can say so much by just having a non verbal conversation. If anything they are a better more positive and truer way for two people to communicate. I think that is a more intimate way to communicate then even touching. If my hubby can read my mind to the point that he finished my sentence then that is fantastic and it makes me so awkwardly happy that I just don’t know what to do in that instant of time right before making the correct judgment on how someone else is going to react to your reaction.

The horns step back to allow the rhythm of the acoustic guitar and a few whistles from the crowd as the sound starts as a small ball and is slowly building bigger as the horns step back in. Even an instrumental can have that release you just have to listen harder.

Been drifting for years at sea, but now you’ve come along, to rescue me…the fog is lifted..we got the moon and the stars above..

This song has always touched a part of me that I have never had touched before. Part of my heart that I didn’t know music could even get to. It opened me up to a love that was coming but was not there yet. It was getting me ready for the hubby. Everything that I did until I met him was get ready and learn lessons so that I would recognize him and know what to do to help him when he needs it. I hope that he realizes how much I love him.

At the bank, fill the tank, beneath my feet and above my head, cuz the fog is liftin, we got the moon and the stars above.

Even though the voices falter and are not perfect, no human is while playing music. Sometimes the vibration of music is so far out of reach that the magician (musician ) can’t quite reach the right note. Then trey will start noodling that Languedoc and start pulling energy from the same place the hose pulls energy from. It’s strings I imagine. Strings like the strings on his and mike’s instruments. Music, what a powerful and misunderstood thing. If anyone could harness the power of music, boy would we never need another coal worker or oil company. We’d just have festivals once a month to generate the energy each town needs for the next month. Every state would have that one band that causes that state to all go into overdrive. Everyone drops everything they are doing to go see that band and all that happiness and energy is harnessed to light the homes of the people who are giving of their own energy to help others.