Archive for current life news

Not one friend

That’s what she just said. I’m guessing that she’s right in some ways yet wrong in others. I’ve spent the past 2 weeks literally running for what feels like my life. I’m not crazy. There are things going on in the upside down that not everyone sees. You have to sqwint. You have to hold your breath. You have to drive to unknown towns and stand at a motel doorway with a can of Orange Crush hoping that what you’ve just done is the right thing. Gotta hang on to hope that my brain will stay sane and that I WILL make the right decisions. I”m not sure what’s going to happen next. I’m typing this out to help me deal with that pesky anxiety that I’m trying to learn how to handle. Music helps. Writing helps. I used to be able to turn to other people to talk to them to help me handle it but that choice is gone now. I’ve got to stay calm, focused and alert.

Advertisements

Change

Im absolutely devastated by the news that my one boss is leaving and a new boss will be coming to take over in 2 weeks. Ive been working for J for almost 4 years. The new guy is just that, new, young, and will want things done differently. Im scared to death that I won’t get along with the new guy, Im scared to death that I won’t be good enough for him. I’m settled in my way of life and then suddenly the ball drops and something like this happens when i’m not ready for it. I suppose thats the way of life.  I cried when i heard the news. I didn’t know I would cry but the tears came out. Im going to miss j with all my heart. he was like a father to me. Always helping me out when I needed it. Even loaning us money when we had some hard times awhile back. You don’t find people like that all the time and I know the new guy won’t come close to being the way that J is. I just talked to my other boss, to let her know the change that is happening and she was very easy to talk to and she totally understands my loss.  That’s what it feels like, a loss. I know J’s just gonna be in a different building, but we’ve been working together for almost 4 years and thats a lot of time to be close. He talked to me about all sorts of things. Things like vietnam (he went twice), and his family and my family, and all sorts of personal talk. We are very close and this is going to be super hard. I have 2 weeks to get ready for this. I first need to get through today though, because I’m going to be on the verge of crying or just plain ole crying when i think about him leaving. It’s like losing a family member. Everyone is gonna say ‘ well hes just in the other building, now youll have to find reasons to go over there. I doubt I will. That place is NOT a comfortable place to visit. Too many personalities that don’t match. According to T, my other boss, the new guy is actually ok to work with and she says she knows I can do it. I know I can do it, I just don’t want to work for anyone else but J.