Archive for tour

This blog is for….

I don’t know if it will ever get read by anyone but once you put something out there there is always a chance. One evening, around a campfire, the drums will be beating from a distance. Fireworks will be set off and fly into the air with the squeak that goes along with those cheap kinds. People will be playing with glow rings and maybe even a fire dancer or two. Couples will be in the shadows holding hands and pointing at things in the dark that only they can see. The darkness will fill with spirits and laughter will come from places unknown. The music will never cease and that’s part of the fun. The sun will rise and as 9am comes it’ll be time to finally grab a few winks of sleep and say goodbye to those whom have shared the evening with you. We will part with hugs and knowledge that we have done what was meant to be and what will be in the future.

The beauty in the pain

music is playin..the lights are low..the wind chimes are outside..the wind is blowing..the night is here..it’s time to tell  a story and this is how it goes…

Gene Ammons/ Satin Doll

Smooth Jazz…..soft trumpet, pure jazz..sirius radio 72..I highly recommend it…

Getting a tattoo is all about the pain and can you and do you want to handle it. For me, it’s a meditation of sorts. I use meditation and breathing techniques because I know what I’m doing is going to have a life long affect. This is something I am putting into a part of my body, into my skin, for the world to see when I want them to. It’s also very much for a reason, and a purpose that is completely and soley my own. No one makes this decision for you. You don’t just get a tattoo because it’s cool. This is something that has to be very much an alone me kind of decision. I remember when I went to my first one, I reacted in this exact same way. It was somewhat of a ‘turning point’ in my life since I remember it so well.  This time around, I am even happier then the last time. This tattoo is brighter and better too. Even though the other tattoo is still kickin and is bright in it’s own right, this one, this new one, it’s loud, proud and speaks to me.  It’s a very intimate yet public tattoo. I told the internet world as best I could. I don’t know yet who I want to know about this at work.  The roommate has work of his own and he was very appreciative of what we got. The ginger is too ‘heady’ for ‘ink’ and so even though I showed it to me, I don’t think he cares. There are tattoo people, and there arent. No big deal. Doesn’t matter if it ain’t your thing, don’t get me wrong.

This new tattoo is an homage to the 12 years of my life that I dedicated to them.  It’s been 2 years since the last show. 2 years of a new life.  While they aren’t around now, because they broke up with us of course. but even if they were to start playing again, which I know they will, they just have to, it won’t be the same for me. I will go to a show or two, but it will never be what it was, just like I won’t be what I was in those years. It’s time to let go and stop being all dramatic about it. The tattoo is the last. It’s the last number in the 13# program of letting go of something in your life that needs to be let go. Well, maybe not that serious, but that’s sometimes how it feels and this is really me sharing this much of my thoughts. . That part of my life is past now. And this tattoo is there to tell the story for me when I can’t tell it. It’s to tell the world, loud and proud what is a part of me and a part of me forever. When I am 90 years old, I will still be telling stories about driving next to the tour bus and seeing Page open up the curtain and wave at us. We were in two cars, with walkie talkies and pulled a switcheroo so that the other car could see the boys too. They saw us do it, I know they did and so they opened up the curtians for the other car too. It was things like that that made it all so special. They were able to talk to us all. In small and non verbal ways 😉 and we got it and so yea, that is the reason why I got what I did.

Fly onthe wall part 1

When all faith is lost, is it all right to laugh.

The first time I went back, I was really scared. I had won the auction. I had met B.M. and I had my cute little hippie dress on, and a cute skinny, 4 foot long braids in her hair, chick tour partner who everyone wanted to fuck the shit out of. I was the third wheel. The fat friend. Didn’t mean to be the ‘cock’ block ever. But I was the fly on the wall. All the things I saw..all the things I saw and I’ll never forget. Never really will tell either. I’m not a narc.

Life can be just as you make it. If you believe the lie and it will all come true.

I believed I was part of it. But so many people made me feel as though I didn’t. I didn’t take as many of the drugs, even though they were around me. I didn’t hang inner circle often.

Your never free to walk away. You should be free to go today.

Lying is one of the things that I try hardest not to do. I did not lie when J.L. asked me if I was wearing the lammy. But what J.L didn’t know, is that I had it hidden. Underneath the three layers I was wearing in the california misty late evening it had become. Aftershows last a couple hours if you are at the right one, in the right place, with the right people and saying and doing the right things. To me, it was like an audition every single night. I never felt like I belonged back there but still, somehow always ended up back there. I always felt like an intruder and J.L. when you said it was my fault <shake my head back and forth>. I still haven’t forgiven myself for telling you the truth. What I didn’t tell you, was that JJ got me in through Bart. I didn’t use the lammy. It was there to remind me of Bill. I loved Bill with all my heart. I really did. I just didn’t love him as anything more then a friend though. Repeat this after me kids

I did NOT use someone to get laminates to be backstage. Ever. I didn’t need to say it, but I felt like I have to say it at least once.

Believe the lie and it will all come true. You should be free to go today.

I can walk away. Can you?

PS. Thanks for the backpack JJ and J.L. I’ll bring it with me to 10klf so I can feel ‘cool’ again.

More physical therapy, time for some positive thinking to get me through

An intake of breath, had punctured my soul, let me know, i need to know

How much of our lives do we spend wondering what other people are thinking? Specially when you are in silence with the other person. You can say so much by just having a non verbal conversation. If anything they are a better more positive and truer way for two people to communicate. I think that is a more intimate way to communicate then even touching. If my hubby can read my mind to the point that he finished my sentence then that is fantastic and it makes me so awkwardly happy that I just don’t know what to do in that instant of time right before making the correct judgment on how someone else is going to react to your reaction.

The horns step back to allow the rhythm of the acoustic guitar and a few whistles from the crowd as the sound starts as a small ball and is slowly building bigger as the horns step back in. Even an instrumental can have that release you just have to listen harder.

Been drifting for years at sea, but now you’ve come along, to rescue me…the fog is lifted..we got the moon and the stars above..

This song has always touched a part of me that I have never had touched before. Part of my heart that I didn’t know music could even get to. It opened me up to a love that was coming but was not there yet. It was getting me ready for the hubby. Everything that I did until I met him was get ready and learn lessons so that I would recognize him and know what to do to help him when he needs it. I hope that he realizes how much I love him.

At the bank, fill the tank, beneath my feet and above my head, cuz the fog is liftin, we got the moon and the stars above.

Even though the voices falter and are not perfect, no human is while playing music. Sometimes the vibration of music is so far out of reach that the magician (musician ) can’t quite reach the right note. Then trey will start noodling that Languedoc and start pulling energy from the same place the hose pulls energy from. It’s strings I imagine. Strings like the strings on his and mike’s instruments. Music, what a powerful and misunderstood thing. If anyone could harness the power of music, boy would we never need another coal worker or oil company. We’d just have festivals once a month to generate the energy each town needs for the next month. Every state would have that one band that causes that state to all go into overdrive. Everyone drops everything they are doing to go see that band and all that happiness and energy is harnessed to light the homes of the people who are giving of their own energy to help others.

The beginning of the change..part 1

My father passed away in June of 1995, and I found myself with a large chunk of change in the bank a few months after he passed on. He committed suicide, which usually means no insurance payout to the surviving family members. One warm August afternoon, when I trampled down the stairway to the main floor where the mailboxes where, I didn’t know what I was about to find in my mailbox. I had no idea that inside that skinny, silver box with a keyhole was something that would change my path in life forever. Of course What they didn’t know, and possibly couldn’t have known, that giving a 21 year old that much money and a checkbook was just asking for trouble. In my case it would end up being excitement, adventure AND trouble.