Posts Tagged ‘change’

Before I got sick, my hubby, who is a music afficianado both in knowledge and in dj abilities, would try to play different music for me. I found myself stuck in a pattern with not just my health issues but also in my musical tastes. When I returned home from my hospital stay in 2016, I found myself drawn to much heavier music then I had in a long time. I also found a new respect for many legends I had just sort of turned my snotty-at-the-time nose up at. Now, I was blown away by the intelligent and soulful lyrics of musicians from all around the globe. Germany, Sweden, and even some of my own fair city’s known bands.

After the Ghost concert was announced and we got tickets, I started a countdown in my head. I had this many days to get ready for that flight of stairs! I came out of this illness with a brand new palate as well. For the first few months, it was like I was a child. I didn’t want anything except soup. Not only was I wanting to start a brand new life mentally and physically but also with nutrition. I had gained about a hundred pounds over the many years since starting the medicine I had been prescribed and I wanted to lose it. My hubby had lost a hundred pounds and I knew it was time to use him as an example. I am proud to say, that as of this writing. I have lost those hundred pounds! I didn’t do a lot of exercising as I was in extreme pain. I was experiencing chronic pain without any drugs stronger then over the counter aleve. Another thing I was fighting was the fact that when you stop taking opiates, your nerve endings become super sensitive. To give you an example, if you ran your foot over a bit of rug, it would feel like a rug.To me, it would feel like broken glass. I occasionally walked around the neighborhood but as I realized soon after the hospital that I was going to have to switch from the health system I was currently in, to the one that had treated me at the hospital. They wanted to do a sleep study to determine the severity of my sleep apena. This new health system also sent me to a pain psychologist, which surprised me! I didn’t even know such a psychologist existed! 


Im absolutely devastated by the news that my one boss is leaving and a new boss will be coming to take over in 2 weeks. Ive been working for J for almost 4 years. The new guy is just that, new, young, and will want things done differently. Im scared to death that I won’t get along with the new guy, Im scared to death that I won’t be good enough for him. I’m settled in my way of life and then suddenly the ball drops and something like this happens when i’m not ready for it. I suppose thats the way of life.  I cried when i heard the news. I didn’t know I would cry but the tears came out. Im going to miss j with all my heart. he was like a father to me. Always helping me out when I needed it. Even loaning us money when we had some hard times awhile back. You don’t find people like that all the time and I know the new guy won’t come close to being the way that J is. I just talked to my other boss, to let her know the change that is happening and she was very easy to talk to and she totally understands my loss.  That’s what it feels like, a loss. I know J’s just gonna be in a different building, but we’ve been working together for almost 4 years and thats a lot of time to be close. He talked to me about all sorts of things. Things like vietnam (he went twice), and his family and my family, and all sorts of personal talk. We are very close and this is going to be super hard. I have 2 weeks to get ready for this. I first need to get through today though, because I’m going to be on the verge of crying or just plain ole crying when i think about him leaving. It’s like losing a family member. Everyone is gonna say ‘ well hes just in the other building, now youll have to find reasons to go over there. I doubt I will. That place is NOT a comfortable place to visit. Too many personalities that don’t match. According to T, my other boss, the new guy is actually ok to work with and she says she knows I can do it. I know I can do it, I just don’t want to work for anyone else but J.